Monday, February 7, 2011

Mixed Emotions

Well today is the day that my Dutch classes start.  In about 2 more hours I will finally be there.  I should be really excited, but I must say that all day I have been really nervous.  I have been wanting classes for so long, and now they are finally here.  I have literally tried everything else I can think of and now this is the last thing.  But, what if this doesn't work?  What if I take these classes and come out still not being able to converse with people?  I have these terrible visions in my head that all we are going to be learning is the stupid stuff like "Hi my name is Nick." or "How do I get to Amsterdam?"

Another thing that kinda topped things off today was that I found out from a Dutch woman who was correcting one of my exercises for livemocha told me that "ontmoeten" is only used when you are first meeting someone, not when you are meeting them next, for example "want to meet at 7?"  This is a word that I use all the time with a lot of people and I just can't believe that not one person could take 5 seconds to correct me...how embarrassing that I've been using this wrong word for so long.  I understand that people should not have to help me learn Dutch all the time, but man...come on...

I just hope these classes are good and they put me over the hump.  It is really nice to hear people telling me that they think I am doing good, and I do appreciate it when they do, but...usually they are telling me this in English...so how good can I possibly be?  I just wish there was a date or s time that I could look forward to and know that by this time, I may not be perfect, but I can be at a point where I am comfortable with myself.  This brings me to another point, I really need to have more confidence.  Not with just Dutch, but with life in general...my confidence level for pretty much everything is 0.  I never look at the list of good things in my life or the things that I already know...usually I just consider this to be trivial (and most of the time it is not.)  I really should be proud of myself for where I am at today both in life and with Dutch, but I just can't be.  Is there something wrong with me that I can't see the good that I've done and take pride in myself.  This is something I really need to work on but I'm not even sure where to begin with that, I would basically have to change my whole mindset.

Haaaa, and here we are at yet again another one of these posts that I know everyone hates to read.  Blaaaaah, I know.  Keep your fingers crossed for me that these lessons are really going to pay off.  Thank you so much for listening, even though I hardly ever get comments anymore, it's nice to know that people are listening...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

don't worry Nack, we hear you loud and clear! And, we're still listening.